tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post8303458357010215167..comments2022-11-13T05:33:59.382-08:00Comments on Rebecca T. Little: Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16435583525995915313noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-37042876545939186972011-05-31T06:30:01.216-07:002011-05-31T06:30:01.216-07:00I like the rewrite. Tighter, more suspenseful. I w...I like the rewrite. Tighter, more suspenseful. I wonder how it would read if you started a little later in the scene, though - maybe with Celeste standing over the body, then go back to her calling out (maybe she replays in her mind what just happened to see if she could remember anything odd, like a sound or something out of place, and that's the mechanism to put in the part where she calls out...?) ... I'm not sure, really. It's just that that image of Celeste standing over her friend's body is SO striking, especially that color imagery you've put in.Anniehttp://anniesisk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-72494172847894998522011-05-30T11:12:45.913-07:002011-05-30T11:12:45.913-07:00I think it's very attention getting... but I w...I think it's very attention getting... but I would want a little less "telling" and a little more "showing." I want to know how Celeste's body reacted to the sight. Give me more sensory clues over all.<br />ALso, there's a little bit of information dumping here... some back story that takes me *out of the story*, if that makes sense.<br />ANd would she stare for several minutes... or maybe several moments.<br /><br />I think if you give us more sensory... and showing... and hold off on some back story until later... you'll hook everyone straight away.<br />Hope this makes sense.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07995267172282765794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-91064971598705977692011-05-30T11:02:30.262-07:002011-05-30T11:02:30.262-07:00Liana - most of that had to be cut to fit in the 2...Liana - most of that had to be cut to fit in the 250 word limit, sadly. It does exist in the actual mss.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16435583525995915313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-44642163822047605882011-05-30T10:14:55.449-07:002011-05-30T10:14:55.449-07:00Interesting. I like the ideas I'm getting, but...Interesting. I like the ideas I'm getting, but the writing still isn't solid.mI'm not getting a Voice or sense of personality, just facts. I want more emotion, and more of the sense involved. What does she smell? what does she feel?Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-13213114596952869622011-05-30T09:14:27.034-07:002011-05-30T09:14:27.034-07:00Nicole, yes, it is intentional that she is a less ...Nicole, yes, it is intentional that she is a less emotional than most of us would be. She is a vampire and not to tell a lady's age, but she has seen three centuries. She has viewed death first hand so many times that she has very nearly become inured to it. Yes, she will grieve over Catherine later...but first there is the the matter of the safety of her bloodline to be handled.<br /><br />There's so much more I'd like to cram in there, but only so much fits into 250 words!<br /><br />Thanks again for all the awesome feedback, you all totally rock :D<br /><br />RebeccaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16435583525995915313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-36580751155882110692011-05-29T11:51:10.352-07:002011-05-29T11:51:10.352-07:00LOVE it! The end line is the best :) I was goi...LOVE it! The end line is the best :) I was going to comment that you might want to change the spreading language since she would still be bleeding unless she had been whacked recently but now I have nothing brilliant to say. I guess one change I would make is if she goes into Catherine's house all the time and they are BFF she wouldn't say it's me Celeste, she might just say it's me thinking she would know the voice but maybe you want us to know her name. Really good submission :)Mary Kate Leahyhttp://houseoflaoch.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-1193836037574733682011-05-29T09:42:19.849-07:002011-05-29T09:42:19.849-07:00There are some places where you could streamline, ...There are some places where you could streamline, and a few "was" occurences that can be trimmed out.<br /><br />Not sure if you intended this, but your MC comes off as unemotional about the beheading.Nicole Wolvertonhttp://www.nicolewolverton.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-61840749408275018142011-05-29T09:29:33.419-07:002011-05-29T09:29:33.419-07:00in 250 you suck in the reader with mystery, vivid ...in 250 you suck in the reader with mystery, vivid imagery,action, and death. good work! <br /><br />douglas esperdouglas esperhttp://www.douglasesper.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-37719376389091737242011-05-29T07:21:36.185-07:002011-05-29T07:21:36.185-07:00Hi, Rebecca. I think the first 250 words are good....Hi, Rebecca. I think the first 250 words are good. Very shocking and attention getting. I think it's great to have her unable to process what she sees, even though she should be used to it. Why would she be used to it? That makes me want to read more! <br /><br />However, once we reach paragraph three, things move so fast and there is a lot of information thrown at the reader. I think you need to slow things down a little bit. She's in Celeste's house...is she afraid someone/something is still there? <br /><br />Thanks for sharing! Good luck!Jody Lambhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09235025872805426830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-28665372493613014232011-05-28T21:29:14.596-07:002011-05-28T21:29:14.596-07:00Trying to figure out if this is paranormal romance...Trying to figure out if this is paranormal romance or urban fantasy. ;) I like it. Just not sure why it falls to her and not someone else. Hint at it in the third paragraph? It might be a good way to say something about her character.Soniahttp://storytreasury.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-56342187726652796472011-05-28T20:19:20.891-07:002011-05-28T20:19:20.891-07:00What's the genre of your book?
I'd just ha...What's the genre of your book?<br />I'd just have it open with the MC finding the head-severed body, and maybe say something about how her reaction went into autopilot. Everthing leading up to "I stood there frozen as I looked at Catherine" could be eliminated or really tightened. <br />Very. Interesting. :)Kaleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03104611823742775404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-71687048140329150602011-05-28T15:57:26.855-07:002011-05-28T15:57:26.855-07:00Reads really well, Rebecca! Looking forward to rea...Reads really well, Rebecca! Looking forward to reading the rest. Good luck with the contest!Annie Siskhttp://anniesisk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-56340354034344979612011-05-28T15:41:35.203-07:002011-05-28T15:41:35.203-07:00Rebecca I feel like there is a lot of disconnect w...Rebecca I feel like there is a lot of disconnect with each paragraph. I suggest taking out the first paragraph and putting those details in the second. <br /><br />just an ex. "Hello, it's Celeste anybody home?" I called out, but received no answer. I headed to the kitchen with the party invite ready to get my cold hand on a steamy cup of tea. <br /><br />Maybe start with the description of the MC as the first paragraph. <br /><br />My last comment is about the part: I should have recognized. <br />- What did she think when she saw the severed head? Why did she not recognize it? Maybe that is where you insert the part from the first paragraph. <br /><br />Good Luck Rebecca and I am with you 250 words is not enough!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15266768293318241499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-54680256370516102642011-05-28T14:21:12.296-07:002011-05-28T14:21:12.296-07:00Done, thanks Lorelei! Very much appreciated :DDone, thanks Lorelei! Very much appreciated :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16435583525995915313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5730148998892926043.post-63929291225501172032011-05-28T14:17:12.805-07:002011-05-28T14:17:12.805-07:00Hey, Rebecca. Very good, held my interest.
However...Hey, Rebecca. Very good, held my interest.<br />However, take the word EVER out of that first paragraph (I think that's where it was). It delutes the message a degree.<br /><br />Have a good one and good luck on the contest!Lorelei Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03294047277447613989noreply@blogger.com