Genre: Paranormal/urban fantasy
In a deadly race for a stolen reliquary, vampire Celeste must choose to trust her own kind or the human thief trying to steal her heart.
Check out the Epic Follower Blogfest contest (which this pitch is for) at:
http://shelleywatters.blogspot.com/2011/03/epic-follower-blogfestcontest.html#comment-form
13 comments:
I am captivated by the idea, but I have questions. What makes the race deadly? Also, who is the mate? Because you say she has to choose the mate or the human, so I am lost. Also, I don't know that everyone will know what a requilary is. At the same time, it is the most concise term to use. I want to know more in the pitch itself, though I am interested in the book.
I meant "reliquary".
Is St. Ange choosing between her mate and a human? and is it a human who is stealing her heart (and thus a theif), or is it a human who is a theif that she's falling for? A little more clarity and you'll have it. All the best!
I think this is a fun idea! Though maybe a little more punch... is the human stealing blood? Interesting..
Limited to 140 characters, there really isn't much room for clarification, but I'll gladly remedy that here with the slightly too long for twitter blurb:
Vampire Celeste St. Ange faces execution if she can’t retrieve her bloodline’s stolen reliquary. The target of a sadistic killer, she must decide who she can trust -- her vampire boyfriend or the human thief trying to steal her heart.
maybe if you only use her first name you'll have a few letters to play around with...also i do not know what a reliquary is...but overall i think this pitch is very close good work
douglas esper
I think blurb is more powerful. The pitch loses the urgency, but getting it it into 140..what a pain!
You can free up some characters by getting rid of the St Ange. The trust part is important, because we don't know why she has to pick one and how it ties into the relics.
I agree with the rest of the commenters, cut her name to just first name, gives you some extra room to address their comments.
It's very close! Great job and good luck!
Nice job. I think a couple tweaks (as per previous comments) and you're there.
This is a fun idea and I love the title. It just needs a little editing to make the idea clearer to the reader and you will be good to go!
Thanks for the suggestions! Hopefully the new version nails it :)
(Oh and by the way, for those of you who weren't familiar with the word, a reliquary is a vessel which holds relics. Typically it means the relics of a Saint, but in this instance it holds the blood of the main character's vampiric bloodline)
The second one is sooo much better. I really like it!
or "yield to" the human thief
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